Having Trouble Producing

I am having a lot of trouble producing enough, or even a little, milk. I usually get about one ounce per breast per pumping session, and if I work a full day I pump anywhere from 2-3 times a day, and then breastfeed when I am with Laila. Laila, on the other hand, drinks 8 ounce bottles three times a day, and then about a 5 ounce bottle while she is at daycare. So, as you can see, she's mostly drinking formula when we are apart. At night now she is starting to wake up every couple of hours to eat as well, whereas before she would go for seven hours between feedings at night, no problem. I'm thinking that perhaps she just isn't getting enough milk when she breastfeeds to keep her full for very long. It's such a bummer. I would quit right here and now except that my mom got me a breast pump for my birthday earlier this month that was very expensive, and I don't want to have it go to waste. I mean, I've been using it for less than a month! So I will keep doing what I am doing, and maybe at night I will supplement my breast milk with a bottle. I think the problem is that I don't pump enough when I am away from her, but it's hard enough pumping every three hours at work with my boss, I can't imagine what she would do if I told her I have to pump every two hours - especially since I told her that I won't be staying past August because I got into grad school for the Fall. And if I did pump every two hours, it would be really hard to get my 30 hours a week that I need for my insurance because they make me clock out when I am pumping. Ugh.

Anyway. Things have been crazy lately - we are moving on Saturday! I am very excited to move though - Laila will have her own room (though she won't really use it until she is more comfortable in her crib and we transition her to her own room), we will have a backyard to play in, and we will be two blocks away from a playground! So that will be really nice, especially now that the weather is getting nice.

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Laila's First Day

Laila is getting better and better at sleeping in her crib. The night before last she stayed in her crib for the entire night! She didn't spend the entire night in her crib last night, but she did spend most of it there. This is all very exciting! 

Other news: we found an apartment. It's on the second floor of a house, two bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, a pantry, a living room, and an attic. Plus we have a back yard! We are also within walking distance from a playground. Amazing! The only downside is that there is no laundry machine or dishwasher in the apartment... well, that, and the apartment is right next to where I work ... half an hour form Laila's daycare (which is next to where we live now), which means that on days when she goes to daycare and Enzio also has work, I will have a lot of annoying driving to do.

Anyway, onto the real bit of news - today was Laila's first day at daycare! It was ... very stressful for me. She apparently did pretty well - she took three half hour naps and drank four bottles (two 4 ounce ones, a five ounce one, and an eight ounce one). I, however, cried. A fair amount. I held myself together pretty well until I went to pump at work and found the nipples to Laila's bottles! So I had to leave work and bring them to her at daycare. When I found them I totally broke down. When I returned to work after my boss asked how things went and I started to cry again. I just had this huge knot in my stomach all day, and all I wanted to do was leave work and pick up Laila from daycare. It was a tough, miserable day. I know that eventually I will get used to it, I just wish that was now. I hate leaving her. I was kind of hoping to quit once Enzio's health insurance kicked in at his job, but we found out today that he doesn't get health insurance because his position isn't high enough - only managers and higher get insurance apparently. What a load of bullshit. Enzio is going to finish working on getting his personal training certification and then hopefully he will get a job doing that that also offers benefits. 

Oh, right, I also got into NYU for grad school! :D 

Doctors Visit - 3 Months

Today Laila had her three month old doctors appointment. Sadly, I had work, as did my husband, so my mom (Laila's Nana) brought her for me. She is healthy and happy and has all of her shots. She is in the 54th percentile for height (24 inches long) and the 9th percentile for weight (11.5 pounds). I'd be a little freaked out about the low percentile on the weight if 1) the doctor hadn't said she was fine and 2) I hadn't been in the 10th percentile my entire childhood. She's just a petite little thing.

My mom asked the pediatrician about upping my milk supply and she said that the best thing to do is to drink a lot of fluids - like 7 8oz glasses... or about 56 ounces. I'm probably drinking about 35 ounces a day now, so I definitely need to step up my fluid intake! The dr also said to make sure I'm getting enough calories (as someone who has never paid any mind to calories, I'm not sure if I'm doing this or not), and that if I wanted I could get some supplements at a health food store that may or may not help. So I am going to try really hard to drink more water and consider going to a health food store for the supplements when I have some extra money to spend.

The crib sleeping thing, by the way, is not going great. She has been sleeping about 3 hours a night in the crib and then waking up. After she wakes up I just put her in the co-sleeper and after a tiny bit she goes back to sleep, but then sleeps fitfully for the rest of the night. It's painful. Especially since I've been doing baby duty all alone at night because Enzio has gone back to work and I feel bad asking him to get up. Which isn't necessarily fair to me either... but whatever. Tomorrow I don't have to be at work until 12, and at first Enzio said he was going to go to the gym but then he saw how upset I was that he wasn't going to watch Laila when she woke up so I could sleep in and so now he's not going to go to the gym. And I, of course, feel guilty. But I also really, really need to sleep. He said he would do Laila duty tonight ... sort of. If she is needing help getting to sleep he said he would take over, but as the crib is next to my side of the bed (where he refuses to sleep) that makes it kind of difficult, meaning I will be on Laila duty again unless she wakes up for real and needs to be rocked back to sleep (instead of me sitting there repeatedly putting her pacifier back into her mouth).

Wish us luck for tonight. She is probably going to wake up really soon because she last ate at about 6:30 or 7, and has been asleep since 7:30. In her crib. Meaning I have half an hour until she probably wakes up again. Ugh.

Last Night

Yesterday Enzio and I rearranged our bedroom so that Laila's crib is next to my side of the bed. It was suggested to me that I do this in an effort to get Laila to sleep in her crib instead of her co-sleeper. Well, she slept for about three hours in her crib last night, and then at about 1am she woke up. I put the pacifier back in her mouth a few times, and I got her to sleep for another hour and a half. But by 2:30 I was so tired of having to continually put the pacifier back in her mouth that I just put her back in her co-sleeper, hoping that she would go to sleep. She didn't. I had to continue the pacifier thing all night, until 6:30am when I fed her for the second time and she finally fell asleep. Sadly, this did me little to no good because I had to wake up at 7:30. Ugh. But I can't give up - she slept for three hours in the crib and I guess I should consider that a small victory.

Bottle to Boob

It seems that Laila is starting to prefer getting her milk from bottles instead of my breast. Yesterday she flat out refused my breast a few times, and today she fusses half way through her feeding. I switched her to the other side when she wouldn't latch back on, but she only lasted on the other side for a little while before she started fussing again. It's really starting to upset me. I only want to have to pump while I'm at work, but I'm starting to think that I may not have a choice. Just as I'm starting to really enjoy breastfeeding, Laila is starting to dislike it. This really sucks.

New Pump + Breastfeeding

Tomorrow is my 24th birthday, and I spent this weekend at my mom and dad's house. For my birthday, my mom got me a new breast pump, because the one I had before just wasn't doing the trick. I had the medela swing breast pump, which is a single pump (meaning I could only pump one breast at a time), and with it I was only pumping 6-8 ounces per day at work. Plus, since I had to pump one breast at a time it was taking for forever, and my breaks at work were for about 45 minutes and I was super stressed about taking so much time pumping. SO, my mother bought me the medela pump in style advanced - a double pump that I read was one of the best. It is supposed to increase your milk supply. I've used it once over the weekend when Laila refused to breastfeed (something I will get back to) and it worked wonderfully! My left breast usually only produces one ounce at a time, but I got two ounces! A good start, I do believe.

But back to Laila refusing my breast. Yesterday my mom and I went and got our hair cut (it was extremely overdue) and went to buy some things at babies r us. Laila got cranky at both the hair salon and at the store, and I tried feeding her both times but she refused. When we got back to my mom and dad's house I also tried feeding her, but again she refused. It had been like 5 hours since she had last eaten, so my husband decided to try giving her a bottle - and she took it! So upsetting! That's another thing - since I've gone back to work breastfeeding has started to grow on me. I like the bonding time after spending so much time apart during the day.