Home Sweet Home

We left the hospital this afternoon - I never knew that leaving would be so scary! Breastfeeding has been a slight battle, but we're both starting to get the hang of it. Last night (well, this morning) at her 1am and 5am feedings I had to fight to get Laila to latch on and eat. It took the help of two nurses, both times, to finally get her to eat. We think the problem was that she went too long between her feedings and was just frustrated and hungry and so she had trouble. Since I have been having her eat at closer time intervals and that seems to be doing the trick! And my god can this girl eat - she has her father's appetite! Hopefully we don't run into the same problem tonight because I don't know what I will do! 

It is nice being home though, despite the scariness that something might happen (and the fact that I no longer have room service). It is weird to think that she is really ours and that we are the ones she completely depends on. To think that we actually made such a beautiful perfect little creature is kind of insane - I mean, I know I've been pregnant for the past 9 months and I knew this was coming ... but it sort of never felt real until now. And even still, these past few days have felt like a dream. I'm so terrified something bad will happen and she will get hurt, or worse. I just have to keep telling myself that it won't happen, and telling my stupid logical side that keeps saying 'YES IT CAN' to fuck off. I try not to let myself even think about what it would be like if anything were to happen. Just think happy thoughts!!!!!

In other news, our cats aren't quite sure what to think. Milo has sniffed her a few times and seems to be slightly interested, but mostly not. Turtle wasn't at all interested in her until we put her on the diaper changing table and then he tried to get on with her. They will be in for quite a shock tonight when we kick them out of the bedroom and shut the door!

My beautiful daughter

Laila Jane

I'm so happy to say that at 4:45pm I gave birth to Laila Jane - a healthy, 6 pound 8 ounce little girl (pictured above with her amazing father). I was induced around 7:30/8:00am and had terrible back labor... the epidural for some reason didn't really work, so that sucked. It worked at the very beginning and for some reason after that did almost nothing. After I finished pushing the Dr tested to see if the epidural was working to see if she should give me a local anesthetic and was surprised to find that it was not working AT ALL. So, that sucked. I was 2 1/2 cm at 2:00 when the Dr broke my water, and at 4:25 I was 10cm dilated and ready (SO READY) to push. I was surprised that pushing was not at all the worst part - it was such a relief to be able to push. After 20 minutes, Laila Jane was born! I'm very lucky the labor did not last a very long time! Thank god for my genes lol
Still working on trying to get Laila to breast feed - we're struggling, but I'm determined to make it work.  Right now she is getting a bath - I miss her!
This whole day feels like a dream almost. Such extreme highs and lows I've experienced! I'm so happy and so lucky. I couldn't have done it without my amazing husband, mother, and father.
Well - I'm off to rest and wait for my beautiful daughter to be brought back to me.

Well.. this sucks already

I did not get a ton of rest last night... my stomach was all topsy turvy which made sleeping difficult. I was just so anxious about being induced today. But now I'm here at the hospital! I came in at 2cm dilated and 70% effaced - so that's where I was at about 7:30am. I'm not sure what time my labor really 'began'... but my Dr just came in (it's 11am) and I am still just 2cm, but I am 80% effaced now. So at least there is some change, though I was hoping for more. God this is going to be a long day. I hate the cervical exams - they hurt so much! And to think, if that hurts, how much it will hurt when I actually have the baby. I am planning on getting a epidural though, and the nurse said that will take away the pain (though not the pressure). So hopefully it will all be ok! I have a terribly low pain threshold. 

My nurse keeps asking me, on a scale of 1-10, how painful my contractions are. I'd say right now they are about a 6 or a 7. They suck, but they aren't as bad as the cervical exam! Not yet anyway. 

Enzio (my husband) and my mom are here with me now and my dad is on his way. Right now we are all watching this terrible movie from the 70's - Poseidon Adventure. The hair,  the clothes, the acting - oh my! It's nice having company. It's not all that exciting or anything right now, but it's nice just sitting here watching the cheesy movie together and talking. 

Be careful what you wish for

I went to the Dr today for my weekly appointment and told her about how for the past two days I've been itching like crazy all over and she says it seems like I have Cholestasis of Pregnancy so she says it would be best to induce. SO - tomorrow morning I am going to be induced. Yesterday all I wanted was to know exactly when I would go into labor/to go into labor now ... but now I'm all freaked out. I'm freaked out because I want my baby to be okay, but also because this is actually happening. I've heard induced labors can hurt more than normal labors and can last a lot longer, which freaks me out too. I do not handle pain well. Not at all. Oh god. This is happening. I went from being all brave and ready to freaked the fuck out. Well ... there's no turning back now. This is really going to happen, I'm going to have to give birth. At least at the end of it I will have a beautiful baby girl... I just need to focus on that!

Did I mention how uncomfortable I am?

So at this point I'm thinking it is safe to say that I DID have my bloody show. I'd go into more detail but figure that is probably TMI - sort of like what happened when I googled "mucus plug" and "bloody show" and the images automatically popped up in google. Yeah. Not going to forget those images anytime soon. Unfortunately, losing my plug does not mean that I am about to go into labor any moment. Blah. I do have my weekly drs appointment tomorrow, so here's to hoping she tells me that labor is imminent. Last week I was 1cm dilated and 60% effaced, so hopefully tomorrow she will tell me I have progressed even more! Considering the fact that yesterday she said I was 'pretty much the same' and that the baby was at -2 station, I'm guessing that the chances that I am more dilated are slim... but one can hope.

Blah.

I'm feeling a bit grumpy because my whole body has been itching me all day and now I'm having cramps and they really hurt. I'm just uncomfortable. All. The. Time. I turn to my left and my stomach cramps even more. I sit up and my back hurts. I turn to my right and the area immediately below my right breast and between my two breasts hurts/feels slightly numb. There's really no winning.

Is this the show?

What am I scouring the internet for today, you ask? Details about this 'bloody show' thing. Have I had mine? Well, I'll let you know when I do.
This afternoon I found some brownish blood in my underwear and I can't tell if I am having my bloody show or if this is a result from yesterdays cervical exam. I've given up looking for my answer via google and have just posted a question on the bump.com community board. I haven't received any answers yet, but I'm assuming that, with my luck, there is no way to tell whether it is my bloody show or just the result of my cervical exam from yesterday's hospital visit. Also, I'm thinking that with my luck it probably isn't my bloody show because that would simply be too exciting! Every time I start to think that something is happening lately it turns out to be nothing. I feel like by the time I actually do go into labor I just won't believe it until the baby is coming out.
I need to get out of the apartment and fixate on something else. My husband is filling out an application for the coast guard right now (he used to be in the army and is now so sick of civilian life that he is going to try and join the coast guard), but after he is done we are going to go to the book store. And get some food, because I'm starving. I'm thinking bagels? Blah. Except for my random craving for tacos yesterday (I made my husband drive around until we found an open grocery store), I have not really been in the eating mood. I'm not as hungry as I was just a few weeks ago, and I can't seem to find any foods that I actually feel like eating. Meh.

To labor, or not to labor, that is the question!

Trying to figure out if you are in labor or not isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have already had two incidents where I thought I might be in labor and it turned out I wasn't. Two nights ago I thought I was in labor because I was having a ton of contractions that did not go away when I got up to walk around. They didn't really hurt, but they were a bit uncomfortable. They went on for hours - starting at 7:30pm and continued until I finally went to sleep at about 1am. As time passed they got closer together, but they were never particularly regular. By the time I went to sleep they could be anywhere between 5 minutes apart to 20. So what did I do? I combed the internet, of course. People online said they had labors where their contractions barely hurt, or whose contractions were never all that regular. It was really the fact that I was having them so often and for such a long period of time that made me think that I might be in labor. Feeling exhausted, I decided to get some rest - if I was truly in labor I'd wake up and know if, and if I wasn't, well, there was no point in staying up. Needless to say, I woke up the next day and was no longer having contractions. Slightly confused, I trolled the internet and came across this article about Prodromal Labor (something I had never heard of before) that summed up exactly what I was going through the night before. Now, I've read 3 (and a half) books about pregnancy, so it is not like I am completely uninformed - and yet I still had never heard of this! AH!

But like I said, I've had two incidents where I wasn't sure if I was in labor or not. The second time was today. I was standing in my bathroom getting ready to shower when all of a sudden liquid started coming out of my crotch-area. I was shocked! It wasn't a ton of liquid, but enough to go through my underwear and pajama pants. Since it wasn't all that much, I wasn't sure if it was my water breaking or not. Had I just lost complete control of my bladder or was I going into labor? I called my Dr and she had me go into the hospital where they checked me out - and lucky me, it seems that the baby just pressed on my bladder and I peed myself. Awesome. As if the hemorrhoids, diarrhea, constipation vomiting everywhere, and excessive farting were not gross enough, I can now add "pissing myself" to the list of awesome things my body has done during the past nine months.

I wish I would either go into labor now or know exactly when I would go into labor. The not knowing and the waiting are driving me crazy.

I believe introductions are in order

My name is Lillian, I'm 23 years old, happily married, and 39 weeks pregnant. I work as a teacher at an "early education center" (aka a daycare - unless you talk to my boss, then it is definitely NOT a daycare, but a school) where I used to work with infants (6 weeks to 18 months) until I got pregnant and they moved me to a classroom where I worked with 2.5-3.5 year olds. Before that I was an Au Pair, so I'd like to think that I'm going into this motherhood thing at least semi-prepared. 

What else? I just started my maternity leave and am enjoying it except for the part where now all I can think about it my impending labor. I have two cats, Milo & Turtle, who have no idea that we are about to turn their lives upside-down with a baby. I live in a one bedroom apartment, so my baby will be rooming in with my husband and me until our lease runs out in about four months and we move. 

Oh yeah, and we're having a baby girl! :) We are planning on naming her Laila Jane.