Break

For the past month I have pretty much been raising Laila on my own. It's not Enzio's fault, it is just that he has been really busy. He is going back to college to get his undergrad degree and he has classes five days a week. He gets up at 5am and gets ready and goes into the city for his classes. He has also been working three days a week bar tending - this past Saturday he worked a shift from 10am-1am with no breaks. Insane! He then had to get up and go back to work the next morning. Insane! When he has been home he has been doing homework. What this means for me is that I have been really the only one taking care of Laila. She goes to daycare on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and I use this time for homework and my own classes, so it isn't really a time to recoup and relax. This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that Laila has been exceptionally clingy and needy lately. My theory is that it is sort of like a yo-yo - she is branching out with crawling etc and now she is back and needing me. What this means is that it is no longer enough for me to just be in the same room as her, or even to be on the floor with her - she has to be in my lap playing. If I pee she freaks out and screams and cries!

This just started to get a bit overwhelming and three nights ago I kind of had a meltdown and was crying... I called my mom and walked out of Laila's room and sat in my own room for about 15 minutes. She was, of course, freaking out. She was crying and screaming, which of course only made me feel worse. So my mom told me to take some deep breaths and I calmed down and my mom promised to come the next morning for a little while and help out. She had to teach a class that afternoon and couldn't watch her for longer than a couple of hours, but she came back afterwards and picked Laila up and brought her back to her place for the night. And the night after. So.. I have been without baby for two nights now! My mom is bringing her back this afternoon, but I still have a few hours baby free. It has been ... absolutely wonderful. It is exactly what I needed. I got to relax and spend some time with Enzio (who has quit his job and will be around more now) and I just feel relatively human again.

Yes, I miss Laila and have missed her. This is, after all, the longest we have ever been away from one another. I have been getting updates from my mom this entire time to see how she was doing, and I definitely felt a level of guilt about the entire situation ... but I needed a break. I am so lucky that my mom is happy to watch her. I know there are probably parents out there who will judge me for this, but I think the majority of parents will understand (I hope). I haven't really done anything particularly amazing in this time - I went to BJ's and ate at five guys, but other than that I have just been hanging out and playing silly facebook games. Well, yesterday I actually had to sub at work, so I wasn't even home so I didn't really have a change to go out and do anything I wouldn't have been able to otherwise, like see a movie. Today I am going to clean and get some homework done ... super exciting, I know. But it is SO HARD to get anything done at all with Laila around, so this is really my chance to do that.