Moving to Tumblr

Hi everyone! So I am moving this blog to Tumblr. I just prefer the feel of tumblr, and am also hoping that I start getting some actual comments on Tumblr (I've heard people have tried to leave comments on this blog and they just never showed up). SO - follow me to Tumblr!

Moving to Her Own Room

Tonight is Laila's first night sleeping in her own bedroom! Up until this point she has been sleeping with her crib pressed up against my side of the bed, so this is a big change for the both of us. I'm nervous. I have some reservations because sometimes she wakes up in the night and just needs her pacifier put back in her mouth, and at about 4am she usually needs to come into bed with us to stay asleep. Both of these things are going to be a lot more of a pain now. Also, in the mornings sometimes she will let me sleep for another hour or half hour after I give her a bottle by just playing in her crib ... I don't think she will do this though if I am not right there for her to see. However, I am also kind of excited. My husband and I will have our room to ourselves now for the first time in nine months! Not only that, but I have been told that moving her into her own room might help her and me both sleep better. On her part she might sleep better because she won't be disturbed by Enzio and I turned about in our sleep or getting up to pee or waking up in the morning. On my part I won't be nearly as alert to every single little sound because she won't be right next to me. So.. we'll see how it goes.
We decided to do this now for two main reasons: 1) it is cool enough now that she doesn't need the AC that is located in my bedroom and 2) my mom bought us a video monitor because she felt like it was time for Laila to move to her own room and when I said I was nervous about not seeing her while she was sleeping (and by that I mean not being able to check up on her without opening her door and disrupting her) my mom was kind enough to buy us a video monitor.

I currently have the monitor right next to me while I sit in the living room and am enjoying looking at it to see what she is doing. 

Break

For the past month I have pretty much been raising Laila on my own. It's not Enzio's fault, it is just that he has been really busy. He is going back to college to get his undergrad degree and he has classes five days a week. He gets up at 5am and gets ready and goes into the city for his classes. He has also been working three days a week bar tending - this past Saturday he worked a shift from 10am-1am with no breaks. Insane! He then had to get up and go back to work the next morning. Insane! When he has been home he has been doing homework. What this means for me is that I have been really the only one taking care of Laila. She goes to daycare on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and I use this time for homework and my own classes, so it isn't really a time to recoup and relax. This wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that Laila has been exceptionally clingy and needy lately. My theory is that it is sort of like a yo-yo - she is branching out with crawling etc and now she is back and needing me. What this means is that it is no longer enough for me to just be in the same room as her, or even to be on the floor with her - she has to be in my lap playing. If I pee she freaks out and screams and cries!

This just started to get a bit overwhelming and three nights ago I kind of had a meltdown and was crying... I called my mom and walked out of Laila's room and sat in my own room for about 15 minutes. She was, of course, freaking out. She was crying and screaming, which of course only made me feel worse. So my mom told me to take some deep breaths and I calmed down and my mom promised to come the next morning for a little while and help out. She had to teach a class that afternoon and couldn't watch her for longer than a couple of hours, but she came back afterwards and picked Laila up and brought her back to her place for the night. And the night after. So.. I have been without baby for two nights now! My mom is bringing her back this afternoon, but I still have a few hours baby free. It has been ... absolutely wonderful. It is exactly what I needed. I got to relax and spend some time with Enzio (who has quit his job and will be around more now) and I just feel relatively human again.

Yes, I miss Laila and have missed her. This is, after all, the longest we have ever been away from one another. I have been getting updates from my mom this entire time to see how she was doing, and I definitely felt a level of guilt about the entire situation ... but I needed a break. I am so lucky that my mom is happy to watch her. I know there are probably parents out there who will judge me for this, but I think the majority of parents will understand (I hope). I haven't really done anything particularly amazing in this time - I went to BJ's and ate at five guys, but other than that I have just been hanging out and playing silly facebook games. Well, yesterday I actually had to sub at work, so I wasn't even home so I didn't really have a change to go out and do anything I wouldn't have been able to otherwise, like see a movie. Today I am going to clean and get some homework done ... super exciting, I know. But it is SO HARD to get anything done at all with Laila around, so this is really my chance to do that.

Laila's Apple Picking Adventure

So the other weekend Laila, my cousins Isabel & Juliet (aka Aunt Isabel and Aunt Josie) and I all went apple picking! Laila had a blast! She is now obsessed with apples and freaks out when she sees them. This is probably due to the fact that I took a bite of a small one and then let her suck on it. She loved getting to gnaw on it.

Aunt Josie, me, and Laila at the orchard

Aunt Isabel and Laila 

Laila enjoying her apple

Laila reaching for an apple 

Separation Anxiety

So Laila has been more and more needy lately. At first I was thinking it was because her top two teeth are coming in, but they are mostly it now and she is still acting the same. A lot of the time it is not enough for me to be in the same room with her anymore, I have to be on the floor and she has to be in my lap. If I leave the room she cries. The only time this is not true is for a short period in the morning after she first wakes up when she is the happiest. I was doing some research and apparently it is separation anxiety. Which apparently can last until she's 24 months. Or, you know, until she's a teenager. Good God help me. It is so exhausting! Especially because now I am back in school (getting my masters in social work) and my husband is going back to school (getting his undergrad degree) as well as working, so we both have a lot of work to do... and my husband is gone more than I am and has more homework than I do (well, I have class once a week he has it five days a week, so his needs to be done sooner than mine) so I am the one doing the majority of the child-care right now. I have trouble getting what work I do have done because she is so needy! I don't know how I would handle the work load if I had more than two classes at the moment and was working more consistently.

Does anyone have any advice? Does anyone have a more concrete answer to when the worst of this might be over?  

In other, more exciting news, she is pulling herself up into the standing position now (she started about two weeks ago actually) and is so proud of herself because of it. She has also been eating more 'real' food, so to speak. That is, non-pureed food. She really enjoys getting to feed herself, which is wonderful. I am encouraging what little independence she has and feels comfortable with.

Back to school

So I am going back to school to get my MSW (masters in social work) and I started classes this past Thursday, and I had my orientation the day before. The best part of my day during orientation was when I got to raise my hand and say I had a kid ... and I have to admit that I was extremely excited to talk about her when I introduced myself in one of my classes. I want to show her off to anyone and everyone. It's funny how much I enjoy talking about her... it literally made my whole day better.

Teeth

Laila has her first teeth! Her bottom two front teeth are just starting to come in - they have broken through and now just need to finish coming in. They came within a day or two of each other - which made sleep, well, not very restful. Despite this, I am so excited! I am going to have to stop her from nibbling my chin now, which should be interesting... the other day she was pulling my hair really hard when I was trying to put her to bed and I told her 'no' in a firm voice and she gave me this look of complete confusion and then did it again, so again I told her no... but her face was so funny that I started laughing. I apparently can say no to other peoples' children, no problem, but not so with my own daughter. Her face was just so cute and funny that I couldn't help myself from laughing. I guess that is just something that I will have to learn how to do without laughing. I'm sure at some point it will get easy because I will actually be angry or annoyed with her... but as of right now it will take some work.

Treat Yourself to This

So it's been almost two months or so since I stopped breastfeeding and I decided that I wanted to get fitted or measured for some bras. In the past the most I ever did was have someone in a store measure me with a measuring tape and tell me my size ...  I did this at Victoria's Secret and then at Motherhood Maternity or whatever that place is called. I didn't trust Victoria's Secret because they told me I was a B cup which I knew there was no way in hell I was. ANYWAY - my cousin Isabel brought me to this store in Manhattan called Town Shop that was absolutely amazing. You go into a fitting room and they look at the way your current bra fits you and its size, and from there they go out and bring back bras and literally put them on you and make sure that they fit correctly. I went in thinking they would tell me my current bra was fitting me perfectly and was the right size but nope. I was completely wearing the wrong size (I had been wearing a 32DD and I am not in a 30E or DD depending - or a a 28E if I am going strapless). It's amazing how differently the bras fit - I'm so happy! I was never before able to wear a strapless bra, and now I can.
So, go treat yourself to a bra fitting to make sure you are in the right size. I think I remember hearing a statistic that was something like 70% of women are in the wrong bra size. So even if you think you are wearing the right size, if you haven't been fit for bras go and do it, because I thought I was in the right size and I wasn't.

7 Month Checkup

The other day Laila had her 7 month checkup! I can't believe how old she is getting. I feel like time has been going so much faster since I stopped breastfeeding. Probably because I am less stressed... but I think that it also helps that Laila is now able to really play on her own. I can put her on her little rug (we bought one for the living room because Enzio didn't want her sucking on the floor after we mopped it, etc) and she will play with her box of toys for about two hours happily (if she is in a good mood that is). It's amazing!
ANYWAY - so Laila is apparently 2'2.4" (26.4 inches) long (interesting, since she was longer than that last month, but she wiggles around a lot and her legs were out to the side when she was measured, so it isn't particularly exact). In other words - I don't know how long she is, but that's fine. She is also 16.15 pounds - putting her in the 47th percentile!!! That's almost average! I'm very excited about this since she had been in the 9th percentile not all that long ago. As for her head circumference - it is 17 inches (putting her in the 55th percentile).
The only issue is that her labia adhesion is apparently a bit worse now than it is before. Now I have to put hydrocortisone cream on the area twice a day, applying with some pressure. We are going to try the over the counter stuff before going up to something stronger. I am happy to say that it already seems to be working a little bit... so hopefully we will never have to use more powerful stuff.

Another First

The day before yesterday we brought Laila to a playground and put her on a swing for the first time! She had a blast  - she happily sat in the swing for a good half an hour at least ... she would have kept sitting there but we felt it was time to leave. She was so cute - I can't wait to go again!

6 Month Drs Visit

The other day Laila went in for her 6th month check-up. All is well! She is in the 55% for height (I forget her exact height .. a little over 27 inches) and she is 15.10 ounces (in the 30th percent). She got an oral vaccine and a shot... and she was not happy about it! Infact, she was not happy with the visit at all. In the past she always enjoyed herself but she has a strong sense of stranger danger now and cried when the doctor touched her, and after that she cried if the doctor even looked at her for too long! Oh well...
Two things to note: 1) Laila is popping her jaw out of the socket.. the doctor said the area wasn't swollen though, so she thinks it is just something Laila has realized she can do and is no insisting on doing it. All. The. Time. 2) The labia adhesion has not gotten any better. It hasn't gotten worse either though, so that's good. The doctor is hesitant about using a hormone cream (for good reason) so we are just going to wait a while longer in hopes that it gets better. Fingers crossed!

Two Mom-Friendly Products: Goody Ouchless Ribbon Elastics & Olay Fresh Effects BB Cream

A while back a good friend of mine (Ella!) introduced me to the website Influenster.com, and I am in love with it! Basically you can see what other people are saying about and review different products. Once in a while they might even send you something to try and review in the mail! Anyway, a week or two ago I received what is called a Vox Box in the mail with a few things to try, and I just want to talk a little bit about my two favorite that are so mom-friendly!
1) Olay's Fresh Effects BB Cream which has 6 different skin-care benefits in just one step. It hydrates for 24 hours, protects your face from the sun with SPF 15, evens skin tone, instantly refreshes, smooths and brightens skin!  I have to say, I've been searching for a BB Cream for months and this is the third one that I've tried. The others, despite good reviews that I read, made me break out like crazy. Needless to say, I was both excited and wary about trying this new one. Thankfully, I absolutely love it! I love that it has SPF 15, and that it has just the right amount of tinted coverage. It doesn't make my skin look weird like when you put on too much foundation, but it does cover up minor imperfections (like dark circles and redness) while making my skin glow. Like I said, it's mom-friendly. It is so hard to find time to yourself when you are a mom - especially a new mom! So often I go to work without any makeup on because I just couldn't find the time and/or energy to put any on. Not anymore (god that sounded cheesy)- Olay's Fresh Effects BB Cream goes on so quickly that now I always have time and energy. Maybe I'm not putting on full makeup, but I'm covering up the imperfections I feel self-conscious about and that makes me feel wonderful - no more walking into the bathroom half way through the day and seeing my reflection and just .. ugh. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. You can buy this product on their website (see previous link) or on amazon.com.
2) Goody Hair Ouchless Ribbon Elastics are the second product that I love. I've tried a few "high-end" versions of the same thing, and they always stretched out so much that they were unusable by the third or fourth use. While the Goody ones also stretch out a bit, I've been able to use them again and again no problem! How are these mom-friendly? Well - my daughter is at the age where she is always wanting to pull my hair, so I'm always wearing my hair up when I'm around her.. but when I go to work or out to run errands I would love to wear my hair down.. only problem? Normal hair ties leave those crimps in your hair. What I love about Goody's Ouchless Ribbon Elastics is that I can wear my hair up around my daughter and then go out and take it down without worrying about it having crimps!

No More Breastfeeding

A few weeks ago now I made the decision to stop breastfeeding. I had been feeling like I wanted to stop for a little while because I was having a lot of trouble producing enough milk for my daughter (1/4 an ounce from one side, 1/2 - 1 ounce on the other in a pumping session), pumping at work was stressful for a number of reasons, and in a lot of ways it felt more like a chore than something I truly enjoyed. I did, however, enjoy the ease of feeding my daughter at night and of course the health benefits for my daughter. What pushed me over the edge was that I (once again) forgot an important piece of my breast pump and had to leave work to go and get it. It was just the last straw. Pumping was too much of a pain in the ass, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Now, I know there are mother's out there who will be appalled at my doing and saying all of this, and to you I say: to each their own. I breastfed my daughter for five and a half months, and I'm proud of that! My daughter is happy and healthy, and I am happy and healthy, and that's all that should matter.

Despite my not really wanting to breastfeed anymore (and in a lot of ways my inability to breastfeed) I was still a little heart broken when I stopped. I felt guilt and sadness! I found myself missing when I breastfed her. Only once has she tried to breastfeed since I stopped (when she was starving and I was warming up a bottle) and it broke my heart that I couldn't - I almost cried. But, other than that ... I feel so happy and free! FREE! I can go out for hours at a time and not have to worry about pumping or engorgement or my milk supply. It's wonderful! I've gotten over the initial sadness, and I am so happy to no longer be breastfeeding.

My advice to moms out there who are thinking of weaning their babies, here is my advice to you:

1) Make sure you are truly ready, and even if you are, be prepared to feel a little sad. If you are on the fence, just wait until you have finally found that moment that pushes you over onto one side or the other. Don't stop if you are unsure! Breastfeed for as long as it makes you happy to do so, and then walk away from it. A happy mom using formula is better than an unhappy mom who is breastfeeding. 

2) Read up on how to stop breastfeeding. Don't go cold turkey, ease into it. The more you produce the more slowly you should wean off breastfeeding. And prepare for discomfort and even pain. Get some advil or tylenol and some lettuce leaves ready. Don't wean your baby off when you are about to go on a trip or some other big event that might throw your baby for an even bigger loop than they might already be going through.

3) Celebrate! Once you have stopped do something you couldn't while you were breastfeeding to make you feel good about the change even when you might be a little sad. Perhaps go to a bar with some friends, or see a movie and go to dinner. Enjoy the freedom of having your body to yourself for the first time since you became pregnant.

Laila Goes Swimming

Today we went to a pool party/engagement party for the fourth of July. It was a lot of fun, though we were only there for a little while because Enzio and I are both fighting off colds and Laila was a bit overwhelmed and was getting grumpy. However, while we were there we brought Laila swimming for the first time ever! At first she seemed a bit shocked and confused, but then she started splashing around and really enjoyed herself! I can't wait to bring her swimming again!

 

Father's Day

I realize this is a bit late, but I just wanted to show off the father's day cards that I made for my husband and dad. I feel kind of proud of myself. I kind of mastered infant art while I was 'teaching' in the infant room at my school, but it's somehow different when I make the art with my daughter for someone I love.
For my dad I made my daughter's handprint into a fish since my maiden name is a type of fish, and because my dad simply cannot wait until Laila is old enough to go fishing.

For my husband I xeroxed a copy of my hand over my daughter's hand.