One Month Checkup

Today was Laila's one month checkup! She is now 21 inches long and 8 pounds 2 ounces (as a refresher, she was born 19.5 inches long and 6 pounds 8 ounces). Everything looks good and healthy - so that's great! She does have a little case of dermatitis, but the doctor said it should go away on its own in about a month or so. In the mean time she told us we could put aquaphor on it and wash it with diluted baby wash once a day. She did really well at the doctor, but then again she didn't need to get any shots - apparently those start next month. Not excited for that! The doctor told me that I should probably introduce a bottle soon since nursing is well established because if we wait too long then she can have issues using the bottle. I wonder if she will have issues with it anyway - I know she has issues with the pacifier - she usually gags on it a bit. She definitely can't keep it in her mouth - you have to hold it there - but that's not that uncommon. There were a few babies who were a few month olds at work who still had trouble keeping their pacifier in for long.
On a completely different note, she has been sleeping with her eyes wide open more often which is both slightly creepy and funny. Mostly it just makes it hard to tell when she is actually awake or asleep. The other night my husband commented on how calm she was because she was just laying in her co-sleeper between us wide awake ... it took him about ten minutes to realize that she was actually asleep.
AMAZING NEWS - the night before last Laila went five hours between feedings!!!! This is the longest she has ever gone and it meant that I got about four hours of sleep! Oh my god, it was amazing. I was a bit disappointed when she didn't sleep that well last night, but oh well. Fingers crossed she does it tonight.

Fever

I have a fever - awesome. It has been fluctuating since last night between 99.4 and 100.1. Thankfully it hasn't gotten any higher then that. I called my OB just incase it was due to a complication with the delivery and to see what medications I can take while I am breastfeeding. She said it sounds like I might have the flu and that if it gets any worse or doesn't improve over time then to go to the Dr and to call Laila's pediatrician. Awesome. I really hope it is just a wicked cold and that it gets better ASAP because 1) I am terrified of getting Laila sick and 2) being sick and not being able to sleep through the night is horrible. Ugh. I just feel miserable. I'm achey and weak and tired. Every part of my body hurts. But the worst part is by far the fear of getting Laila sick and not being able to kiss her and hold her close. Yes - I am still breastfeeding, but it's not the same as cuddling with her. Something about tugging on my nipples ruins it a bit. I just hope drinking my breast milk keeps her from getting sick.

Wish me luck

So tomorrow Enzio has this job interview in the city - bright and early! And it's not just any old interview - no no - he has to run a mile, do push ups and sit up and pull ups. Needless to say he is going to need his rest, so tonight he is sleeping on the couch so he can sleep through the night. That means that I will be on Laila duty all by myself! I'm a bit nervous. Last night I was so tired I think I may have fallen asleep briefly while nursing - either that or I was so tired that I forgot her unlatching. Either way - not good! They always say never fall asleep while nursing - but I couldn't help it - it's not like I chose to fall asleep. Anyway. Usually Enzio does diaper duty and then I feed her and then hold her for at least another ten minutes to make sure she is truly asleep before putting her down. And then usually once during the night/morning if she is really fussy and not falling back to sleep I will ask Enzio to tend to her needs so that I can go back to sleep. But tonight I will be on diaper, feeding and comforting duty. Who knows, maybe having to physically get up out of bed will help me wake up a bit more and make it a less painful process .. but somehow I seriously doubt that. God, I'm just getting more and more tired! At least she is eating less often - it used to be that she ate every 1-2 hours, with the occasional 3 hour period. Now she tends to eat every 2-3 hours and once in a blue moon every four hours. So hopefully she will eat every 3 hours tonight - maybe even four at one point! - and maybe she will not have any awake periods. I'm feeling hopeful about her sleeping at least fairly well since she was more awake today than usual. Mostly I just hope that she doesn't do what she did last night where she was up for three hours with really bad gas/constant pooping which made her miserable!

It's kind of crazy how she is slowly getting more and more alert. And of course, with that alertness comes demands! Before she was content to lie awake in your arms while you did whatever your little heart desired. Now, however, she usually needs attention. She either needs to be bounced about or she wants you looking at her and talking to her. I've also noticed that she is starting to smile while she is awake! Yesterday and today I got her to smile by talking to her and making funny noises at her. It only works once in a while, but still - VERY EXCITING!

Cold

We brought Laila to the doctor today because she has a cold. Her nose has been stuffed up for a few days, but it has gotten slightly worse. Also, her voice has gone a tad bit hoarse. So the doctor wanted us to bring her in just to make sure she was okay since she is so young. Thankfully everything is fine and they told us what to look for and when to call vs. go to the emergency room. Laila has literally been to the doctor every week since she was born - and she is going again next week for her one month check up. My insurance must be so pleased.

Anyway - yesterday Ella came and visited and we took some pictures! I wanted some really nice ones of Laila and me and some of Enzio, Laila, and me. So far most of the pictures are just my husband and her, or just her alone because I'm usually the one behind the camera. So yes - now I have some really nice ones which makes me happy :)

Also - exciting news! My cousin Isabel and her dad are finally over their sicknesses and can see Laila without infecting her! I'm very excited for them to meet her :)

Laila

Fresh Air!

I got out of the house today which was amazing! First I went to destination maternity to return some bras I ordered online that were too big. Enzio sat with Laila in the car while I went inside - I didn't want to leave her at home incase she got hungry while I was gone and started freaking out. Then later in the day Laila and I went and visited my parents at their house. It was really nice seeing them and it was also really great just getting out of the house. In the past three weeks the only time that I have left the house was to bring Laila to the doctor. I can't wait until she is six weeks old and I can really take her wherever I want to and don't have to worry about having Enzio sit in the car with her while I run into a store and do a quick errand that Enzio isn't comfortable doing or something. That is, if this flu season calms down. I'm not about to bring her to the mall if the flu is still going around like crazy.

swings and drs

I made a last minute appointment with the pediatrician today and brought Laila in because I got all paranoid that she had thrush. Basically she has a white coating on her tongue and as far as I could tell it wasn't coming off when I rubbed at it... plus my nipples have been really irritated. Turns out the irritation is just normal (probably just them healing ever so slowly) and the white on her tongue does come off but you have to scrape at it and it doesn't come off completely - only partially. The doctor said it is milk that builds up on the tongue. She also told me the symptoms I should look for and said that if they occur to just call and she would write a script. So - I feel both relieved and a little silly... but I guess that is just part of motherhood. I just want to make sure she is as healthy as she can be.

In other news Laila is finally starting to enjoy her swing! Before she would just cry when you put her in it and would refuse to sit there for more than five minutes. But today we put her in it after she was already asleep and my god she has been sleeping like a rock. We actually had to take her out and change her diaper to wake her up because she had been sleeping for so long. We then put her in again after she was fed and she is passed out still. I would love to let her sleep in it overnight but there is no way I am going to do that because it can increase the risk of SIDS. Apparently a lot of parents let their babies sleep in the swings at night because they sleep better in them than in other places... and while I'm sure she would probably be fine ... I just can't bring myself to do it just incase. The whole SIDS thing freaks me out so much - I'm worried about it enough just having her sleep lying in her co-sleeper or basinet. Laila being hurt or dying is literally my worst fear in the entire world.

Like a Beast

Laila has been eating like a beast! Today (well, as of 23 minutes ago, yesterday) Laila ate 16 times - and not just for short periods of time - no no, for about 1/2 an hour on average. Normally Laila eats 11 times a day and for an average of 20 minutes - quite the difference! She was also been a bit fussy and had only one real 'awake' period. I think she may be having a growth spurt! At least I hope so, because otherwise this may just be the new way that she eats and that's a bit insane.

Anyway! I chose a birth announcement and ordered it only to get an e-mail from my mom saying she liked a different one better and to not include one of the pictures on the invite I did end up picking. Gah! Too late! Whatever. Yes, the one she chose is the one I originally liked the best, but Enzio didn't like it AND it was about 30 cents more expensive. Hm.. how do you make the 'cents' sign on the computer?

I can't wait until Laila is a bit older and stays awake for longer periods (during the DAY) and sleeps more at night ... and when I can actually start to interact with her more by playing with her with toys, etc. Right now when she is awake I feel like all I can do is hold her and talk to her and try and get her to look at things... usually all she wants to look at is me or Enzio ... though sometimes she does look at this black & white book I have. I mean, she won't look at it for more than 5 minutes, but still - it's something. But then she just gets bored with it or overstimulated or god knows what and she cries and I have to coo at her and lull her back to calmness/sleep. I want to lie on the floor and play with her!

Announcements and Explosions

Laila had a giant explosion of a poop today. She farted and it blew out of her diaper! So then I changed her and as I was changing her she pooped more and then peed and it went all the way up her back. So I just threw her in the bath. The entire thing was pretty hilarious actually. And I think Laila really likes being in the bath - she just doesn't like it when you have to start washing under her neck, back, etc.

In less disgusting news I am trying to put together a birth announcement but I can't seem to decide which one I want. I have $20 towards announcements on shutterfly. I have narrowed it down to a few... well mostly I just excluded two of the options lol When I've narrowed it down a tad more I will post the options and maybe I can get some advice!

Something that I have started to notice that Laila's grumpy awake time is between 11pm and 2am. It's funny because when I was pregnant with her that is when she was the most active in my belly as well. However, inside my belly she didn't scream and scream, and my husband didn't need to play pop music and dance around the living room just to calm her down.

bath time and midwives

My mom put me in touch with her friend from the zen monastery she goes to who used to be a midwife. We have been e-mailing back and forth and it has been really wonderful because she has been able to answer all of my questions. Plus she has been extremely nice about all of my questions and seems to genuinely enjoy talking about everything. She has put my mind at complete ease and I know if  something comes up that makes me anxious again I can just e-mail her. I have to say, motherhood has not been good for my anxiety!

In other news, yesterday Enzio and I gave Laila her first bath! Well, her first real bath - we had given her sponge baths before. Now that her umbilical cord has fallen off and everything's all healed we are allowed to bathe her for real. I was sort of expecting her to start screaming the second she hit the water, but she actually seemed to enjoy it! Well, until I started having to lift her head to clean her neck folds, etc... then she started crying! Hopefully she enjoys the bath even more next time.

How my life was saved by a co-sleeper

Laila slept so well last night in the co-sleeper! It has been a life saver! All I want/have to say, is that if you are a parent who has a newborn who only wants to sleep in your arms, invest in the baby delight snuggle nest!

Co-sleeping

Last night was so horrible that I became desperate around 6am and brought Laila to sleep in our bed with us because it was the only way to get her to sleep. I, of course, barely slept because I was so terrified something would happen. But she slept so well that I had Enzio go out and purchase a co-sleeper so that I can have her in our bed without worrying about rolling over on her or having her tangle in the covers. I wasn't sure it would work because Laila was only sleeping when we held her, but I read a review online that said their daughter was the same way and that this worked wonders. So far it has been worth every penny! Laila has slept in it no problem all day. Look, here's proof:

And don't worry - we don't keep her in the blanket at night. She is only wrapped like that during the day when we are watching her to make sure she is okay. At night we put her in one of those easy swaddler things. Anyway- let's just hope she sleeps like this all tonight. Please, PLEASE let her sleep tonight.

The Bassinet

Laila is refusing to sleep in her bassinet tonight. All yesterday during the day - and any point in time before then - she slept in it no problem. But tonight.. every time she falls asleep and I put her in she wakes up within 5 minutes!! Ugh. I'm getting desperate but I also can't bring myself to do the whole co-sleeping thing. She only wants to sleep pressed up against someone! I read online that other parents have had success with things like this and this. I am so desperate I almost want to drive to the store right now and get them both to see if they would work - but it would be a waste of money to get them and then have them not work - a waste of money that I really can't afford. So instead I am going to go scour craigslist for these items in hopes that someone has them and is trying to either get rid of them for cheap or (fingers crossed) for free. There are also two baby consignment stores around here ... maybe I will ask my cousin to do me a huge favor and look there for these items. Or I could call and see if they have them and then send someone to go pick them up for me - that might be a better idea. If worse comes to worse I may just invest in these two products and if they don't work return them - but first I'll just have to check the different stores' return policies to make sure I can do that.

Please let it be a growth spurt

Last night was .. tough, to put it nicely. We couldn't get Laila to go to sleep until after 2am, and she wasn't just awake, she was crying. Then she continued to wake up every hour after that to feed until 8am, at which point she slept until 10. Ugh. Talk about painful. She was doing more every-hour feedings today as well, on and off. My mom and a family friend Barbara came and visited today and made Enzio and me dinner- yum! While they were here Laila cried for about an hour and a half straight, only calming down for a minute or two at a time. Finally I fed her again and she went to sleep and has been asleep ever since (that was almost three hours ago). I don't know if she is just going through a growth spurt (fingers crossed) or if this is going to be her new thing. My mom and Barbara (who is a retired nurse) were telling me that it is totally normal for babies to cry like this. They said that she might be crying for a whole host of reasons; she might just need to expel excess energy or it might be her way of shutting out everything around her. They were also saying that it might be that she doesn't know how to fall asleep on her own yet. Something about how there is a stage between being awake and being asleep and a lot of babies have trouble with it and have to, say, cry themselves to sleep. Only problem is that Laila isn't going to sleep until I nurse her! Before yesterday I could rock her to sleep but when I was rocking her last night and today as she cried - nothing. She'd calm for a minute and look like she was getting ready to sleep and then she'd start crying again. So ... I'm really, really hoping that it is all just a short phase she is going through due to a growth spurt. I hate it when she cries and I can't calm her down - it makes me feel so awful... like I'm totally useless.

Drs & Visitors

Today Laila went to the Dr for a 'weigh-in' to make sure that she was still gaining weight nicely, and to just check in and make sure she is OK. Her belly button is nicely healed, and while she still has some jaundice, this is normal. The Dr said this can last for a little while. At her appointment last week she weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces (an ounce more than her birth weight) and today she weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces! So good job Laila! Packing on those ounces - all thanks to the fact that she has her Daddy's appetite. Today has been no exception to that either - she has been eating like crazy tonight! She has also been awake a lot today, so hopefully she will sleep tonight. She has been a bit fussy, but that might just be from all of the stuff going on today. She did sleep for most of the night last night... she was awake from 12:30-2 or 2:30 or so, but other than that she slept great, waking up every two or three hours to eat. The Dr said that her feeding may slow to every 3 or 4 hours at one month - definitely looking forward to that.
We had a very nice visit from my friend Kim and her daughter Ava (I lived with them for Ava's first year of life and helped take care of Ava). It has been almost a year since I last saw them, so that was really nice! Kim made Enzio and me a delicious lunch, and Ava (now almost 3 years old) decorated a page to put in Laila's baby scrapbook. It was a very nice visit! Now I am just waiting to hear back from my cousin Juliet about bringing over a lasagna that her mom made for us - yum!

Goodbye Peaceful Nights

Last night was a doozy. After sleeping all day Laila decided that it was time for her to be awake from 2:30am to 5:00am. Awesome. At least after that she slept fairly well - I think she might have gone four hours between feedings at one point, but it's hard to say because I was so tired that I don't actually remember what time it was that she had eaten before that. Either way - it let me sleep until 1pm today. I hate having my schedule so messed up, but I can't bring myself to wake up and actually get up after any of her earlier morning feedings. At least I don't have to be at work or anything during the day.
Ugh. Today is going to be a rough day. Without enough sleep I can control my insane hormones even less. The plan is to try and get Laila to have her awake time during the day today. There really isn't all that much we can do - but the plan is the give her a sponge bath (she's due anyway) in hopes that it will wake her up enough that she stays awake. Wish us luck!

"alone" time and oral hygiene

Today was our first day since Laila was born to not have any visitors. It was nice - I have enjoyed seeing people, but I definitely needed some time alone. Or rather, "alone". I pretty much just held Laila all day today. She slept and slept and slept and slept. I know I could have put her down, but 1) I didn't want her to wake up and 2) I liked holding her. When I hold her I can watch TV and browse the internet and play with my phone without feeling like I am ignoring her. Plus, I can look down and watch all the funny faces she makes in her sleep.
Wednesday we have Laila's second Drs appointment - it's just a weigh-in they said. Not sure if they do anything other than weigh her - I hope so since we have to go 20 minutes to the Drs and at this age 20 minutes can be a hassle because she eats so often. When we went last week we got stuck at the Drs for quite some time because I had to breastfeed before we could leave!
In other news, I can't tell if my teeth or my gums are hurting me... but on the left side of my mouth there is discomfort. I am thinking it is my gums - damn pregnancy wreaked havoc on my oral hygiene! What's stressful is that I can't just go to the dentist to get it looked at because I can't leave Laila behind and if I would probably end up needing to feed her in the middle of my appointment. Plus I don't have a dentist - well, I was seeing on during my pregnancy but he was so overpriced and not even all that good. I have more cavities that need to be dealt with but he maxed out my plan with what little he did do. So annoying. Thankfully it all got reset as of the new year - unfortunately I am not unable to take advantage of it. So I need to find a dentist that isn't overpriced but is also good and in my area so that if I do end up needing to go I won't have to travel so far, making the time away from Laila that much easier. When Laila is one month, if my mouth is still hurting, then I will go because at that point I will feel comfortable introducing a bottle for at least a tiny period of time without worrying that it will cause 'nipple confusion'. Or at least that's the hope. Well... let's just hope it is just my gums bothering me and that my jumping on the listerine and gum-stimulator train will nip it in the bud. I mean, I brush and floss everyday (OK, I didn't floss in the hospital), but apparently that's not enough when your bodies hormones are determined to fuck with your mouth.

Umbilical Cords

This evening I went to change Laila's diaper and low and behold, her umbilical cord had fallen off! At first I was a little freaked out because it doesn't just look like a belly button - I don't know how to explain it, but if you google it you will see. Thankfully my cousin Juliet and her mom visited me today and brought me the book "what to expect the first year" and it has a little section on the topic, and it says that what I am seeing is normal. The book says to only be concerned if it doesn't dry up within the next couple of days or something like that. Laila has another Drs appointment in a couple of days for a weigh-in, so I will have them look at it just to be sure. I do still have questions though ... for example, I knew that when her stump was on that I could only give her sponge baths, but now that it is off can I give her a normal bath? I'm going to refrain from doing so until I know for sure.

Oh my - Laila just farted so loudly it scared her and she jumped lol - sorry, just had to share that. Right now she is wide awake (WIDE AWAKE, and it's 11:30pm) sucking away at her pointer finger so loudly! She never fails to make Enzio and me laugh. I just love her so much! It is a bit overwhelming. I am totally and completely obsessed with my daughter.

Things are looking up

Today is the first day I have no cried since I got home. Thank you, hormones! Breastfeeding is starting to finally go well - my nipples are slowly starting to heal, and I am pretty sure I don't have any plugged milk ducts or anything - just sore/tender breasts from all of the milk. At least I hope so ... I'm still a bit nervous, but if something happens I guess I will just have to deal with it as it comes. My aunt is coming tomorrow and she is sort of an expert on breastfeeding, so I am going to just talk to her and make sure. If things do start to go downhill with breastfeeding I found that 1) my insurance covers my seeing a lactation consultant, and 2) I can call someone from La Leche League to talk if I have questions, etc. They also have meetings that I can go to if later on when I can bring Laila out I need some support or help. Just knowing that I have those options and that my aunt is here to help me makes me feel so much better. I'm also feeling better because my parents came last night to visit and made us dinner and we just talked and hung out and that made me feel better. My dad is always good at getting my mind off of things and at comforting me - funny, because as a small child that wasn't the case. Then today my in-laws visited and made us dinner, and even cleaned our bathroom! So that was amazing.
Laila has also been sleeping fairly well at night - she sleeps for three hours, feeds, and then sleeps some more. Enzio and I have come up with a pretty good system as well - I get up and feed Laila, and then he changes her diaper and puts her back down to sleep. It means that I am getting to sleep more, which is amazing.
Let's just hope that this good mood lasts. I have a feeling that tomorrow I might be back to stressing and crying - I mean, that's hormones for you. Just taking it one day at a time!

A moment to vent

I have been googling pretty much everything about breastfeeding like crazy, and I just have to say I am starting to get fed up with the phrase "it isn't a normal part of breastfeeding" used to refer to any kind of nipple pain, clogged milk ducts, etc. Saying that it isn't normal suggests that most women don't go through it, and from what I've been reading and hearing from people, it is all very, very normal. I'm hormonal and stressed and trying to figure this whole thing out, and hearing that everything I'm going through isn't 'normal' only makes me feel worse - like there's something wrong with me. Yes, my baby might not have been latching on correctly, and none of this may be a part of ideal perfect breastfeeding, but it doesn't mean that it isn't normal.

In other news, I am not sure what I had was ever even a clogged milk duct. I was talking with my friend about how it felt/feels and she says it sounds like my milk duct is just full and a bit lumpy since it was sore yesterday but hasn't been at all sore since. I just hate not knowing what's going on and feeling like I have no control over my body. PLUS I feel like I might be getting a little sick. I feel weak and tired and a bit nauseous on and off. My nose is also a bit runny/stuffy, though it has been since before even had Laila. Maybe it's just the exhaustion from everything, or maybe I am getting sick. I really, really hope I'm not getting sick - that would just be another thing that would add to the stress etc. Ugh.

Day 5

Today was Laila's first visit to the pediatrician. She is good - she has tiny bit of jaundice (nothing out of the ordinary), but other then that, she is good. Also good, She has been pooping and peeing like a maniac, and she has gained her birth weight back and then an ounce!
Unfortunately not everything is going so smoothly. Breastfeeding is.... well... I've hit a few bumps in the road. My nipples are sore and cracked. They had been getting better but then I tried changing the way Laila latches on following instructions from a lactation consultant I talked to over the phone and I think it made her latch on incorrectly because my nipples started to do worse and feeding hurt more - I gave up on that way late last night and already I have noticed the difference. I think Laila's latch was good and I just messed it up trying to change it around. Then, on top of that, I seem to have developed a plugged/clogged milk duct. I couldn't get ahold of the lactation consultant at the hospital but I talked to someone who works in the nursery and she said to take a hot shower and massage the breast and then to pump the breast and massage it some more while I did that. So that's what I did and it seems to have worked pretty well. I couldn't feel the lump at all afterwards but now that some more milk is in there I can feel it a little bit, though it doesn't really hurt or anything. I'm so tired and hormonal that it is all just stressing me out like crazy. I did talk to my aunt who had her own bumps with breast feeding, and she made me feel better. I'm just going to take things day by day and try to focus on the fact that eventually I will get over these bumps in the road and things will get better. Tomorrow the lactation consultant should give me a call back and I can talk to her. If things don't improve then I will try to set up an appointment or something seeing a one in person. Hopefully there is someone who does house calls - that would be amazing. Apparently my insurance covers the cost, so that's good if I end up needing it.

Finally starting to settle in

Last night Laila woke up every hour to feed! Between that and all the questions and concerns going through my mind, it is pretty safe to say I am utterly exhausted. But my mind is now at rest - I called the 'warm line' at the hospital - one of the numbers they gave me to call if I had any questions at any time. I called and got all of my questions answered that had been worrying me. Surfing the web was not helping because there were different answers everywhere - so now that I've talked to a professional I feel a lot better.
God, my hormones have been all over the place. I've gone from super happy to sobbing in not a lot of time, over silly stuff too. I've also been feeling a bit lonely because I haven't gotten to spend a lot of close time with Enzio since Laila was born. In the hospital he slept in one of those pull-out chair beds, and since we've been home we've had visitors everyday and haven't had a lot of alone time to really cuddle or anything. It is strange, missing someone when they are around all the time. Also, I'm a bit jealous because at night he can sleep while I have to get up every hour to feed Laila. But, I'm the mother! And if he could, he would do it. He's a great dad, Laila and I are so lucky to have him.
Besides being exhausted and stressed and having all the healing pains, I'm also having pain in my shoulders - mostly my right one. It started hurting while I was in the hospital - and I assumed it had to do with sleeping on the hard mattress... but it seems to be a little worse now. I think maybe it is due to my heavier milk filled breasts and maybe the way I have been holding Laila while feeding her ... it's easier and faster in the middle of the night to just latch her on without setting up any support for my arms. And then last night I was so tired I started drifting off during two of Laila's feedings - with my head lolling forward. None of that can be good for my shoulder. At least I'm hoping that's all it is.
Anyway! Tomorrow is Laila's first Drs appointment! We have to go in at 10:30am - not looking forward to that at all. The Pediatrician is 1/2 an hour away, so we will have to leave at 10, which means getting up at 9:30 or so. Awesome.