My maternity leave has officially ended - I returned to work yesterday. It's going okay. To be honest, it's hard taking care of other people's children when all I really want to do is be home with my own. And it doesn't help that I'm pretty sure my boss wants to fire me. Before I went back to work I told my boss that I could work either in the morning or in the evenings, which at the time was true. But then I found this great daycare for Laila and they are only open until 6, which means that I will have to leave work at 5 so that I can pick her up in time (I currently work until 6pm). This morning when I got to work she had me come into her office and told me that she didn't think that she would be able to "make it work" but that she would "try" but I HAD told her I would be able to work evenings and now that I won't be able to work between 5 and 7 three days a week she just doesn't think she can find a place for me. Then one of my coworkers told me they saw her writing an e-mail to someone about me (all they saw was that she was writing to someone about an employee who just got back from maternity leave). Ugh. I can't help but feel like she is writing someone to see if she can let me go without any legal repercussions (which I honestly don't know the answer to).
I've also only been pumping twice while at work - and I try to pump the second time during my lunch break in the afternoon so that I am not taking more time away from the classroom than I need to... today I got back from break 15 minutes later than when my break actually ends (which should be fine since I was using the time to pump, I wasn't just fussing about doing nothing) and when I got back to my classroom my boss was there and said something snappy about how I need to tell people when I would be back to the room. But I don't know when I will be back! It can take anywhere from 25 minutes to an hour! I am trying to relax while I pump so I can get as much milk for my daughter as possible, and it's hard when all I'm thinking about is my boss being pissed off at me for taking the time (even though she would never say it directly, let's just say she's terrible at hiding her true feelings). ... and I don't want to take as much time as I could because I don't want to get her pissed off at me. But maybe I should. Maybe I should just relax and do what I need to do and if she fires me, well, at least I'll be able to stay at home with my daughter.
Talking about pumping - I can't even pump enough to feed my daughter while I'm away, so we are having to supplement with formula. I produce enough to feed her straight from the breast, but apparently it isn't coming out the same when I pump which is really disappointing. Maybe I should pump more often but I'm scared my boss would have a fit.
:(
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